The worst part is that she's not angry anymore. She doesn't understand that when she cries she's being washed away but a dozen feelings that she has no capacity to identify. When she feels something, anything enough to kick up her heartbeat, a sheaf of shame scatters out of her. Sometimes this feeling carries with it a weight and a sound. That's where she gets stuck: in the drone of a tune that is older than ordinary Vanya. Beyond the grave, two apocalypses away, in a different universe, Reginald Hargreeves is still talking to her and she is still listening.
Obi-Wan looks... stunned. But not in a bad way. Impressed, but maybe not in a good way. Curious. Like he's seen something new. She flinches involuntarily as his hand falls on her shoulder. She's spinning chaos around them, face wet with tears and her heart thumping loud in her ears, but she's still. Watchful.
Vanya. The voice is cool and quiet, but it makes her feel warm. It seems to dull the sharpness of the sound vibrating within her. The air around them is stilling. She's feeling too much to identify, but the panic eases. As she looks up at Obi-Wan, she is reminded of Allison, who wouldn't let her siblings kill her even as she tried with every powered breath to kill them. She'd broken Vanya's powers with a gunshot that pierced through her focus. Imagine what would have been possible if their dad had known the value of peace, if he was capable of serenity.
Her breathing is slowing. She's exhausted, but he's right: they're safe. Suddenly, she can't look at him. What if she'd hurt them? She'd never be able to live with herself after killing this gentle, kind soul. Klaus wouldn't care about her anymore. Right now she sort of wishes no one did. It would be better. For all of them.
Big, hazel eyes drop to the floor and with them, a couple new tears streak down her face. She apologizes so softly that she's not sure any sound actually comes out.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-01-22 05:20 pm (UTC)Obi-Wan looks... stunned. But not in a bad way. Impressed, but maybe not in a good way. Curious. Like he's seen something new. She flinches involuntarily as his hand falls on her shoulder. She's spinning chaos around them, face wet with tears and her heart thumping loud in her ears, but she's still. Watchful.
Vanya. The voice is cool and quiet, but it makes her feel warm. It seems to dull the sharpness of the sound vibrating within her. The air around them is stilling. She's feeling too much to identify, but the panic eases. As she looks up at Obi-Wan, she is reminded of Allison, who wouldn't let her siblings kill her even as she tried with every powered breath to kill them. She'd broken Vanya's powers with a gunshot that pierced through her focus. Imagine what would have been possible if their dad had known the value of peace, if he was capable of serenity.
Her breathing is slowing. She's exhausted, but he's right: they're safe. Suddenly, she can't look at him. What if she'd hurt them? She'd never be able to live with herself after killing this gentle, kind soul. Klaus wouldn't care about her anymore. Right now she sort of wishes no one did. It would be better. For all of them.
Big, hazel eyes drop to the floor and with them, a couple new tears streak down her face. She apologizes so softly that she's not sure any sound actually comes out.