God, she wishes she had a notebook. Her memory - however undone by medication to later be restitched by government-grade LSD - is pretty good and she always remembers the important things, like deadlines and birthdays and orchestrations. She's not so great at remembering to care for herself. That has to change now. She can't afford to wait.
So, she repeats it back, "get comfortable, close my eyes, breathe and withhold judgement." Most of that is good advice for right now, too so she takes a breath and lets the exhale slip out some of the shit she knows she's holding in her shoulders.
"So, it's okay to starts small," Vanya recaps now that she's chewing on all the pieces. "A-and if I can't... stop my brain from thinking, that's okay. I just have to-to... What? Not feel it?" The question feels unforgivably stupid but, in the spirit of learning and trusting, she tries to tease a new perspective out. "Or... assign it no... value?" She breathes a laugh. "God, am I hopeless if I can't imagine what it would be like to not judge a thought?" While playful, this is still a move of self-deprecation, however well-intended.
She just wants to get it right. Not for Klaus or for Obi-Wan or Allison or anyone but her.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-02-15 04:54 am (UTC)So, she repeats it back, "get comfortable, close my eyes, breathe and withhold judgement." Most of that is good advice for right now, too so she takes a breath and lets the exhale slip out some of the shit she knows she's holding in her shoulders.
"So, it's okay to starts small," Vanya recaps now that she's chewing on all the pieces. "A-and if I can't... stop my brain from thinking, that's okay. I just have to-to... What? Not feel it?" The question feels unforgivably stupid but, in the spirit of learning and trusting, she tries to tease a new perspective out. "Or... assign it no... value?" She breathes a laugh. "God, am I hopeless if I can't imagine what it would be like to not judge a thought?" While playful, this is still a move of self-deprecation, however well-intended.
She just wants to get it right. Not for Klaus or for Obi-Wan or Allison or anyone but her.