[For Klaus]

[fifthbeatle]

Klaus is sober tonight.

At least, it seems that way. He's a little edgier at dinner - not cruel or snappy, just a little less liquid. It's not the sort of thing most would notice. Even on his worst days Klaus is still so very much Klaus. It's a perfect strategy: keep them guessing regardless of sobriety and they'll never know the difference. With family, this is not an afforded luxury. Especially to Vanya. She spent her childhood studying her siblings as fastidiously as she did any of her other studies. Always on the outside, Vanya wanted to see everything she could in hopes that it would make her siblings see her. No one wants to be watched that closely, so it never worked the way she wanted. Until now.

Five helps her clean up after dinner and they all go their separate ways: upstairs or out. Vanya spends some time in the library, but all she wants is to play music. It's been a month and her fingers are itching. She feels like Klaus might: restless and itchy for something to focus on that isn't beyond her control. She goes upstairs to try meditating. The results are okay for a bit, but she ends up just falling asleep.

A sound stirs her. It's like a bump. For a second, she's afraid she's blasted energy out in her sleep again. Her surroundings are intact. No cracked mirror, no jolt of her bed back to the floor. There's another sound - a voice - and she can't tell much except that it's coming from Klaus' room. The first thought she has is that Klaus is doing Klaus things - with Obi-Wan or whoever. She's about to roll over and tune it out, but the next series of sounds is unmistakably distressed.

Before she can register she's done so, Vanya's on her feet and out the door, padding with soft urgency so as not to wake Allison or Ben as she goes by their doors. Now that she's in front of Klaus' door and the sounds are louder, she's starting to create terrible scenarios in her head.

She knocks. "Klaus?" she calls through the door in an urgent half-whisper that she hopes he can hear. As much as she doesn't want to barge in and risk invading Klaus' privacy and possibly seeing something she would rather not, she absolutely will.

Comments

[terriblymisguided]

He's trying. He really is, but this is what trying gets him.

When he was back in the sixties, he managed it. It was hard, but he did it. Always having someone willing to spend the night with him helped, because if he couldn't drink or take anything, there was always sex to distract him. Or Ben could pop up, and his presence in Klaus's head could help chase the others away.

But now he's alone, and he wanted to be sober for Vanya's dinner. He wanted to show them all that he could be better than he was, and he doesn't have to be a mess. He doesn't even know if they noticed, and now he's here.

Klaus. You could help us.

No, he should join us.

Klaus!


He cries out in his sleep, kicking at the blankets as cold hands grab at his bare chest, digging their nails in. This is something new, something that's been happening since he learned how to actually manifest spirits. They come to him more easily now, not just voices but disembodied hands that reach through the veil, glowing blue and freezing cold as they press against his skin.

"No." He's still asleep, edging closer towards wakefulness, and he fists his hands in the sheets as he tries to shy away from the cold hands. The cacophony of voices rise, calling his name, screaming, sneering at him, getting louder and louder. "Stop!"

[fifthbeatle]

She's about to knock again when she hears no. The timing suggests he is speaking to her, and she's about to walk away with the muscle memory of rejection. She's still paused, chewing the inside of her mouth.

Stop!

She hasn't knocked yet. He can't be talking to her. And he's panicked. It's a sound she hasn't heard in a long, long time. Vanya is through the door before she even knows what she's doing.

There's her brother, writhing away from what Vanya can't see, gripping the sheets helplessly. She shuts the door as quietly as she can behind her and launches herself at him.

"Klaus," she says, a hushed, gentle call to listen to her. She kneels down next to the bed. Gently, she extracts one of Klaus' hands from the sheet to take it between her own. "Klaus."

[terriblymisguided]

Klaus.

This voice is different, drawing Klaus away from the dark, and when someone takes his hand, he awakes with a jolt and snatches it away. He's startled enough (and sober enough) that a sudden jolt of power surges through him, making his fingertips glow blue as the all the hands grabbing at him manifest in that same blue for a second before he shuts them all out with a gasp.

When his eyes open, he's surprised to see Vanya sitting there. His eyes widen and he shoves himself back towards the headboard, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath.

"I should really get a lock for that door," he says after a moment, trying to diffuse it all with a joke, but his voice is still trembling. "Was I loud? Sorry."

[fifthbeatle]

Klaus pulls his hand back and she does the same, startled enough by his jolt that she stands and takes a step back in the muscle memory of rejection. The blue glow at Klaus' fingers catch her eye and she sees a spread of a dozen or so more hands of the same color clutching at her brother. The energy has some kind of associated whisper that Vanya can't hear so much as feel.

"I-I'm sorry," she says in response to what is probably a joke, but she's startled and still holds an ever-present fear of rejection. It's part of what she has to learn to understand if she wants to learn to control her powers.

"No! Sorry, I mean, yes, I heard you but it's not-- a-are you okay?" It's a lame question and she feels extra lame standing there over Klaus' bed, hands hovering in vague surrender like she's been caught trying to curse him.

[terriblymisguided]

When Klaus fully understands what's happening, he regrets jerking away from Vanya like that. Yes, his instinct is to push people away, but Vanya has spent her life getting pushed away. Not just by him, but by everyone.

"No, no. You're fine," he assures her, scrubbing his hands over his face as he settles himself against the headboard. After lifting the blankets and peeking underneath to confirm that he is, in fact, wearing underwear, he flips his blankets back and scoots over. "Hurry up, it's freezing."

He hold himself that he doesn't want to push her away anymore, not when she's making an effort with him. If she's doing that, he wants to do the same with her. He doesn't have to handle this all on his own, not anymore.

[fifthbeatle]

Vanya climbs into the bed quickly, slipping her legs beneath the covers. There are times where she still feels so awkward. It's ridiculous that a nuclear reactor could feel powerless like she does. Klaus' kindness is a pure resonance that is easily spun into confidence and strength.

"Were you dreaming?" she asks quietly, her fingertips gently brushing some of Klaus' hair tousled hair back into some semblance of place.

[terriblymisguided]

She settles against the headboard next to him, and it's still strange to have the warm body of someone who really cares about him there with him when he's like this. For so long, it was just Ben, who cared about him but could never quite seem to understand why Klaus immediately went searching for drugs. It never clicked with him, because Ben could deal with his awful power. Klaus could not. Klaus wasn't strong enough.

But now there is Obi-Wan, who holds him and makes him tea, and Vanya, who comes in to check on him and touches his hair. He can't help but to wonder what might have happened if he had this support when he was younger, but he tries not to think about it. He has it now.

"Not exactly," he says after a moment. "The spirits come for me when I'm asleep, or too relaxed. Always have."

[fifthbeatle]

That's a hard thing to hear. Klaus doesn't talk about his powers much, but his voice does a heartbreaking thing when he does. Vanya slips her little arm in the space between Klaus' neck/shoulders and the headboard; she shifts up and over, casting herself as a little leaning post.

"I've never seen them like that before," she says ineffectually. "Do they... hurt you or... What do they want?" It's almost like she doesn't want to know. There can't be any comforting answer to these questions.

[terriblymisguided]

"Temporary sobriety and practice with Ben seemed to have made them stronger. Closer to the veil, maybe." Klaus holds up a hand between them and it takes very little focus at all, in his current state, to make the tips of them glow with blue light. For so long, Five was the only one of them who had powers that manifested in a visible way like this. Now him, and Vanya too. Hers is different, though. She glows brighter than all of them.

"They want attention, mostly," he says after a long moment, shivering a little and shifting his shoulders as he withdraws that blue light. After a long moment of staring at the wall and pondering his words, his jaw works and he speaks again. "Imagine being invisible and trapped in a crowded room for years, decades, just slowly going insane, and then suddenly there's someone who can finally see you. An outlet for all that anger and pain. You'd probably jump on it."

He clears his throat and looks over to give her a tight smile. "That's how I imagine it, anyway."

[fifthbeatle]

Vanya watches his glowing hands, fascinated and searing with empathy. When he shuts it off, it's with little effort, but a shudder or something shakes through him. Vanya's arm tightens around him. She pulls him in closer, her cheek resting against his head. This is what Reginald used to control him. This is how he kept him afraid. It turns out Vanya was an angry child, rebellious and protective of herself against a man that she knew, somewhere, that didn't care about her or any of them. He was afraid of her. So, he made her forget. The anger stayed dormant. Until she exploded.

The plan for Klaus started the same, but was the opposite: their father locked Klaus in a crypt alone not because he was scared of him, but to make him scared. He thought Klaus' sensitivity, his rebellion, his sense of self-preservation showed weakness. Klaus is at the mercy of thousands of souls at a time because of that sensitivity. It is his power. She wishes she knew how to tell him that.

"That's awful," Vanya says, for the sake of those poor souls and her brother's, too. He looks up at her with that smile, full of effort, and she can only return a softer one. She doesn't notice, but her fingers are raking gently through Klaus' hair, like their mom used to do to her.

"What do you--" How does she even ask this question? She knows not being sober makes it better, but she does not know how to ask if anything else does without sounding judgmental. Her book hadn't been kind to him on that front, but those were the thoughts of a person who had no idea who she was. That doesn't mean she won't be paying for it for the rest of her life. That's okay. She deserves it.

"What I mean is, I-I met Obi-Wan. He said... that he'd help me learn to control my powers, if he can. Maybe he can help you, too." She figured this may already be in motion, but she is hesitant to assume or overstep when everything between them has been so balanced and wonderful.

[terriblymisguided]

Sitting here with his sister, leaning against her as she strokes his hair in a familial sort of way, makes Klaus feel better. It also makes him feel a little sad, because they could have had this a long time ago. Things could have been so different. For as much as he tells himself not to fixate on the past, he can't help it sometimes. But things are better now. Even though they're trapped in some weird bubble dimension, they're better.

"Yeah, he told me," Klaus says with a smile, because it isn't much of a surprise that Obi-Wan would have sought her out. Not because she's his sister, but because of the power inside of her. Of course he would have been able to sense it, especially when it's in use. "Did he suggest meditation? It may be easier for you."

He's not sure anyone, perhaps except Obi-Wan himself, really understands why Klaus is so hesitant to try meditation, why he's so afraid of silence and stillness. It makes him a target. But Vanya-- he thinks it would work for her. "You should let him."

[fifthbeatle]

"He did. I was trying earlier, but I fell asleep," she says guiltily. A part of her thinks that means she was doing it wrong, but if she was able to get to sleep quickly, maybe it worked in a different way.

It may be easier for you strikes her as strange, but she thinks she gets it. If the spirits reach out to him in silence, what benefit is there to clearing his head? And how does he find peace if not that way?

She wants to fix it for him - of course she does - but there's a part of her that thinks she only pushed her siblings away with her constant need to fit in. That fear won't subside yet, but it's moments like this that she has hope.

"I have a theory," Vanya starts, hesitant but hopeful, still, that she'll gain some momentum. "Spirits are energy. I think they might be. Maybe -- not all the time or anything. I think I could... protect you. For a bit. W-with my powers." She wants to wince away because she knows they all think her powers are unstable, but she feels safe and calm. Confident. As much as she can.

[terriblymisguided]

Klaus listens as Vanya speaks, turning his head to watch her. Growing up, his powers always felt so disconnected from those of his siblings (excluding Vanya, obviously). They were all trained the same, but they all had powers that would help protect them in a fight, help keep them safe, and Klaus did not. He never truly understood his powers, and when they were on mission, especially missions where his expertise was not needed, he felt deeply, frighteningly human. Expendable.

It makes him angry at Reginald all over again for what he did to Vanya. She thinks that she can help him now, but Klaus thinks that maybe they could have been helping each other all along.

"How do you think that would work?" Klaus asks curiously, purposefully plowing over the hesitancy in her offer. Sure, he has his doubts about whether it could work or not, and he'd be lying if he said that what she could do doesn't scare him a little, but he trusts Vanya. He trusts her to know herself, and he doesn't want her to be afraid to speak up when it comes to her powers. Not with any of them, but especially not with him.

[fifthbeatle]

"From what I saw in Dad's book, my power is energy manipulation. Turning sound energy into physical force. And projection. I didn't get to see much before--" She swallows, then trips forward quickly. "When we were in Dallas and Lila mirrored our powers, she survived the blast because she was mirroring my power." She's getting a little excited now - part anxious, part curious, all mystified. "I-it's like a force field. Energy can't flow through it." She brings her eyes up to look at Klaus. She's not really petting through his hair so much anymore as arranging it gently and anxiously. She stills it.

"Maybe it works on spirit energy, too."

[terriblymisguided]

Everything that Vanya is laying out makes sense in theory, and Klaus thinks about it as Vanya toys with his hair. She feels vulnerable. Klaus knows this because he knows what that feels like. Again, he thinks about all that was taken from them. Maybe they would have been quite the pair, when they were little.

"You can't shield me all the time," he says gently, leaning in to press a kiss to Vanya's forehead. "I need to figure out how to handle it, instead of just trying to push it away."

His head tips over onto her shoulder and he sighs softly, letting his eyes fall closed. "But it'd be good in case of emergencies. My very own little ghostproof vest."

[fifthbeatle]

God, she is so uncomfortable. It's nothing that Klaus has done - he's been perfect, actually - but she wishes she'd never said anything. It's not like she has harmless powers that just heal and warm. When her potential energy flows into kinetic, she is a bomb. What if it's dangerously arrogant of her to even think of this as a possibility? If he's scared, he has every right to be. Harmless Vanya died the night she blew up the Academy. Even with no memory, she was a dangerous thing, and was looked upon as exactly that the more the people around her figured her out.

"No, I-I... I just meant tonight. Maybe... Maybe it could help you get back to sleep." She swallows, fully spiraling for a hot second before her gentle, sweet big brother kisses her forehead and takes responsibility for the powers he also can't control. His head falls on her shoulder. He likens her to a thing meant to protect. The sharp panic in her heart eases to a dull ache. None of them are the people their father said they were. Thank God. Her hand smooths through Klaus' hair again as the nervous energy flows away from her without resonance.

"Do-- Can I stay here tonight?" The question was almost do you want me to stay here tonight, but she doesn't know if Klaus would admit it if he does and she wouldn't be able to bear it if the answer was no. This way, if his answer is now, it's about respecting boundaries and not feeling unwanted. This isn't about her, even though everything that happens in and to their family feels deeply, deeply personal.

[terriblymisguided]

"Maybe it can. We can try it," Klaus tells her, because while he knows how destructive her powers can be, he also knows that she has a better hold over it now. She is accepted and loved and Klaus is learning for himself just how much of a positive influence that can be, how helpful. Klaus has a better handle over his powers here, with his family and Obi-Wan in his corner.

"Of course you can." Klaus slips back down into his bed and pulls Vanya with him, curling his arms around her. He knows that Vanya isn't just going to get over feeling so excluded, and Klaus is happy to make the extra effort to make her feel wanted. It isn't as if it's a hardship; he always sleeps better with someone he loves next to him.

"I'll help you make breakfast in the morning," he tells her, tucking her small body in against him and shifting her hair out of his face. "You know how great I am at burning pancakes."

[fifthbeatle]

"Only if you're okay with it," she says gently. Before she can worry that she's being weird, she finds herself being pulled down by her brother. It makes her laugh a little, relieved and delighted. In her estimation, no one puts as much effort into making her feel loved and supported than Klaus does. Everyone is wonderful and she is eternally grateful, but the most unexpected turn is right here. Klaus, whose demons were his own to weather until their softest brother jumped into his head, who weathered some of father's cruelest tricks and fancied himself a disappointment was anything but. Once Allison started making an effort, Vanya had been convinced she'd be the only one. Now, if someone were to ask her who her best friend is (not that anyone would), Klaus might be the first to come to mind. When she was a kid, it had only been Five. As an adult, it had been a hard no-one.

What kind of fucked up excuse for a person gets a second chance after an apocalypse she created? And what kind of monster is she if she sometimes finds herself grateful?

Once Klaus is settled, Vanya settles in as well, on her back with her hands curled gently around Klaus' forearm over her chest. She displaces to move her hair to the side away from him.

"You know who loves a burnt pancake?" Vanya says, half-expecting him to join her when she answers: "Ben." Another little laugh spills out of her. "He'll eat anything and lots of it." Vanya doesn't mind burned food, herself. When she was on her own at the very beginning, she ate a lot of it. She'd rather her food be overdone than underdone any day.