[For Obi-Wan]

[fifthbeatle]

The night is dark. Vanya is alone.

She's out in the woods somewhere - maybe the forest behind "'Leonard's' Grandma's house." It's so dark she can barely see what's in front of her. The wind is howling, screaming, almost whining. A clap of lightning rings through her head, so loud the sound vibrates through her teeth. The sound seems to crash into the whining sound. It's the clear resonance of a pitchfork now, only it's so loud Vanya's on her knees. Her knees hit the damp earth below with a wet slash, like her bow slicing through Allison's neck. She begins to sink into the mud below. It gurgles: the sound of Allison trying to breath. Pain rips through Vanya's head. She hunches over and clamps her arms tight around her head to block the sound.

Silence. Stillness. Now, the ground is hard and cold. Vanya lifts her head.

A window. A small sliver of a window behind a thick metal door and a pressurized lock. She looks up and sees the soundproofing foam sloping toward her like stalactites. She tries to hear something. Anything. There's nothing. As she gets to her feet, her soles don't make a sound on the floor. She calls out, but nothing happens. Even as she launches herself at the door, desperate to hear the smack of her hand on the window, there's nothing. She thinks she's breathing, but she can't hear it and she can't feel it. No air is coming into her lungs. It's like she floating in space with no helmet and she reaches for the pills in her pocket and pulls out a small wooden dinosaur. Harlan's toy. Her eyes go wider. The beat of her heart the sound of clothes rustling - it's all gone until the little wooden toy floats up from her hand. It glows sunlight yellow and emits a shrill sound. The light and the sound grow in intensity. No, no, no she can feel it. She's not breathing and she can't move and -- BOOM.

When the legs of her bed jolt up off the floor and land back down, Vanya wakes with a huge gasp for air. Everything is just out of place, knocked over. The mirror in her room is cracked. The little chair in the corner of her room has been spilled over. He body is aching, tight all over. As she jumps out of bed to check on her siblings, she catches the stark white of her skin and eyes in the fractured reflection.

This time, she thinks, she was lucky. No one was badly hurt. She wants to believe there won't be a next time, but she can't.

Vanya never goes back to sleep. She's waiting for the sun to rise and to make sure that none of her siblings are up before her. She makes the coffee and breakfast as usual, but instead of curling up to read, she stalks out to the woods. She's got her weird little mobile phone in her pocket. If something happens, she's going to be okay.

"Leonard" tried to train Vanya out of Reginald's notebook - a method that had failed spectacularly once already. Each of them were sociopaths and narcissists and Vanya can find pride in failing them. If there's one thing Vanya knows, it's study and if she can tune resonance into energy, isn't she a violin? Her love of music, her ability to make it is the power she gave herself. There is no one better suited to honing her powers than her own self.

This sustains her for about two hours. She's found a little clearing where there are fewer precarious-looking branches and sharp, spiny things that she could hurt herself with. She's a good half-an-hour walk into the woods, so she has no reason to believe anyone else is around. She's doing this right, she thinks.

In this small valley, there is an apex at the center with a rock. There sits Vanya, her legs crossed loosely beneath her, floating rocks and moss and a couple of branches around her. There's an impression in the dirt where she's managed to move larger objects with some success, but they never land quiet where she wants them to. It seems like she might be getting tired and maybe a little hungry. Without realizing it, she's following her father's principles, the ones that let her down in the first place: push faster, harder, longer. Break yourself and then go further. It is the only way to achieve greatness.

Which is not what she ever wanted. All she'd ever wanted was for her family to love her, to be one of them. And she was meant to be. Now she knows she was. She was never ordinary. Ordinary.

Ordinary. The word snaps something in her like a branch. Yes, she can feel it, a thick, loud crack like the trunk of a tree has been somehow separated. It's a heavy feeling; one she doesn't know if she can catch if it falls.

Comments

[larger_world]

Obi-Wan often comes out here to meditate, finding the clearing peaceful and solitary, and somehow better for his focus than his apartment has ever been. While he can meditate most anywhere, this has become a favourite place for him, a place to go where he can try to speak to Qui-Gon, even though the answer never comes.

Still, he can't give up. Master Yoda had been so certain Obi-Wan would be able to speak to Qui-Gon one day and so he must continue to try. There are certainly times here in Darrow when he could use his Master's guidance.

As he nears the valley, however, Obi-Wan can sense a presence. Usually he might turn away, find himself another place, but this presence is strong. Powerful. It reminds him a little of Anakin in moments he had been simmering at the edge of some larger emotion he was unable to control and Obi-Wan can't help but be curious as to the source. He continues on his path, catching sight of a young woman through the trees, bits of rock floating around her.

Obi-Wan stops, but his foot comes down on a branch at the same time, the sound of it snapping loud in the silence.

[fifthbeatle]

The word is stuck in her head, like a chant. Ordinary. When the rustle of trees isn't loud enough to wipe it from her mind, she tries the drag of the dirt, then the thumping of her heart, but the more she tries to control it, the more angry she becomes. She's 29 years old. If this had always lived in her, she deserves to have had a chance to control it. A billionaire bought an extraordinary child from her mother and buried her when she couldn't do things his way, never thinking that the problem was him. It's Reginald Hargreeves' fault that she is trying to find what was always supposed to be hers. It's his fault "Leonard" was able to use her.

And it's her fault he's dead. And Pogo. And everything - almost twice.

The snap of the branch snaps Vanya's open. The drag of the footstep pulls a line of energy from her. She can feel that's she's about to hurtle something toward him - it seems like another branch or a thick vine, but she opens her palm and the thing is tossed aside into a clearing.

Breathless, she turns her head around in the direction of the sound. It's a man in some sort of robe, still and seeming very calm for what he's walked up into. Vanya's skin, her eyes are white. She stares at him from over her shoulder, not realizing until then that she's no longer sitting on the rock, but floating a few feet above it. Once she's back atop it properly, she unfolds her legs and stands, facing him again.

"I-I'm sorry," she breathes, eyes flicking to the debris she didn't mean to toss toward him. "I didn't know anyone else was out here."

[larger_world]

Whoever she is, she's not a Jedi. Not Force sensitive. It's something else entirely Obi-Wan feels when he reaches out with the Force just to be sure. There is turmoil in her and great power, more similar to Anakin and Rey than he's felt in anyone else in all of Darrow.

He had raised his hand at the possibility of the branch being thrown at him, but hadn't needed to defend himself. She had stopped herself, still present enough to not want to harm anyone despite the feelings that are roiling inside of her, and his hand lowers back to his side.

She was levitating. There are Jedi who are capable of it with practice, though Obi-Wan himself has never achieved such a deep meditative state. There are so many similarities he can feel, but so many differences, too.

He smiles, just slightly and says, "Nor did I. It's quite alright, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I've interrupted you."

[fifthbeatle]

It's a little disturbing, for a second, how unphased this man is by what he's seen. Every person that has seen her powers has reacted poorly. That is not to say that she doesn't deserve the discomfort her powers seem to inspire. If she'd ever had practice using it, maybe she wouldn't feel such shame and terror when she does. She's lucky the showdown at Sissy's farm went the way it did. When they'd tried it a month earlier, the moon hadn't been so lucky.

"No, you're not interrupting, I..." She trails off because she wants to say she doesn't know what she's doing. He's the calmer force of the two and she wants to meet him on his level. But calm forces have stormed her guard before. She watches him with white eyes, passive - stuck. It's an oddly bare feeling, being caught using a power that she barely understands, and worse when she's done so much damage with it.

[larger_world]

"I come out here often to meditate," Obi-Wan tells her. In some ways, the pale of her skin, the white of her eyes, she reminds him a little of Ventress, although with no feeling of the Sith pulsing through her. There is no evil here, no intent to harm.

He smiles then and turns his back on her, not to leave, but to look at the clearing as a whole, to look back at the trees he's just left behind.

"It's peaceful," he says. "And not very many people come out here, although I suppose today we both had the same idea. Isn't there an Earth expression about great minds and all that?"

If she's not from Earth, she won't have any idea what he's talking about, but he's picked up so much already from those who are, those he's grown close to.

[fifthbeatle]

It's not an accident that Vanya's not met many people in this strange city. Since her powers came back, she's been nothing but trouble, including when she lost her memory. After the first time she always meant well, but she is both an untuned instrument and its lone, unskilled player.

She realizes she's still pulling the air in the energy around her, a very faint swirl of dust and debris. The deeper parts of her - the ones that feel things out of the spectrum of her medication and beyond the reaches of her memory - seem to try and protect her from things she doesn't understand. Which is a lot. One day she woke up a stranger to herself, abandoned by the people that needed her for the power she didn't know how to possess. She's right to be angry. It's okay to be afraid, she hears a voice say. You don't have to sit alone at the table anymore, Vanya.

A breath later, the wind is settled. There's no whining pitch in her ear. She blinks back to ordinary. The earth settles back around her.

"Then, it sounds like I interrupted you," Vanya says with a small smile. It's polite or restrained, but not unkind. "I'm sorry."

[larger_world]

"Hardly," Obi-Wan answers, turning back to the young woman, finding her no longer as pale, her eyes dark instead of white. She looks smaller like this and he hadn't realized just how slight she really is. But then, Obi-Wan thinks, power does make a person loom larger, even if only in the mind.

He'd heard one or two whispered stories about himself back during the Separatist War. Have you ever actually met General Kenobi? I've heard he's nearly seven feet tall. And he's hardly that.

"I've no claim to this place and you were here first," he says, still smiling. "I should have left when I sensed your presence, but the power was... surprising, to say the least. I admit, I was curious as to who might be generating it."

[fifthbeatle]

"Then, I guess neither of us has anything to be sorry about," is Vanya's friendly conclusion. When he continues, the gentle smile falters. She's never had to talk about her powers before and when it's come up, people have been less than understanding. It's been Vanya's (very limited) experience that anyone who wants to talk about her power wants something from her. If not something, they want answers and Vanya doesn't have any. With the exception of Klaus only just in the last few weeks, no one has ever talked to her about her power in a way where surprising could be a good thing.

And what he's said - that he sensed it - that sits strangely with her, too.

"What do you mean?" There's a part of her that wants to go up and greet him - this strong, calm presence with his gentle voice, but he seems to know something about her that she doesn't and that is not a feeling she cares to relive.

[larger_world]

"The galaxy is made up of energy," Obi-Wan says, a statement of fact more than anything. He's found this to be true in Darrow as much as it was true in his home. Everything is made up of energy, from the smallest atom to the largest creature.

"Where I'm from, there are people who are born sensitive to this energy," he explains. "It flows around everything, exists within all of us, and if you're sensitive to it, you can be trained to better understand it. To sense changes in it, to feel the presence of others in it."

Then he smiles and raises his hand in front of him, palm facing down. A good sized rock flies up from the ground, slapping into his hand, which he then turns over, his fingers closed around the stone.

"Manipulate it to make things move," he says. "Much like what you were doing."

[fifthbeatle]

Vanya watches, motionless, following with her eyes and willing her face to stay neutral. It doesn't totally work. There are different kinds of magic here, she reminds herself. There are rules that the world as Vanya knew it don't apply here. She doesn't know how it was at the Commission, but no one has ever said they sensed someone else's power. In fact, Diego had been around Lila for months and never noticed she had powers. He is the only other powered person she knows that can manipulate energy. Also, he is not very observant.

For reasons she doesn't understand, she's having trouble putting words together. She wants to believe this is a benevolent interest, but she knows what happens when she misplaces her trust. For Vanya, making a poor decision has larger consequences, no matter the size of the misstep. She no longer has the luxury of recklessness. So, what?

She can't stay inside forever. She won't. Every moment she lives with her power is another that flies in the face of her father - a man that tried to make her think that, of the two of them, she was the broken one.

"I want to understand it," Vanya says as quietly as she can, not that either of them thinks the other is the same. It's the truth and it's how she feels, and Reginald can't control those things anymore, either.

She wants to say more, but she doesn't know what they're talking about or what he's asking, if he's asking anything and why.

[larger_world]

"When you were younger no one offered to help you?" Obi-Wan asks, his brows drawing together with concern. While the Jedi never take Force sensitive children against the will of their parents, they always offer them a place to be safe. A place they can train and begin to better understand their abilities, a place where there are others like them, where they can find camaraderie rather than confusion or even fear from people who aren't like them.

"My manners seem to have abandoned me," he continues with a small smile, then drops the stone and instead steps forward and offers his hand. "My name is Obi-Wan."

She seems cautious and he doesn't blame her, especially if she's never had any sort of guidance when it comes to her abilities, her talents. Such things can be frightening, he's seen plenty of younglings alarmed by their own abilities before learning how to control them.

[fifthbeatle]

There is nothing Vanya could do to try and hide how the question makes her feel. Her gaze falters to the ground, brows knitting painfully for just a second. Offered to help her? Reginald Hargreeves took extreme, painstaking measures to try and ensure that Vanya would never understand he powers, because she needs to feel to use them and Reginald was unfeeling at best.

Again, she wants to tell him these things, but she can't. If he knows about the Academy on his own, he might worship her dad. If he doesn't, he might not believe her, or worse: think she's beyond help. This morning, she doesn't think she could take that.

He says his name and Vanya's head snaps up.

"Obi-Wan?" she echoes, her expression changing into something more familiar. "You're Obi-Wan?" She begins to close the distance between them. Once she's there, she looks all the way up at him and takes his hand.

"I'm Vanya. Hargreeves." She's never tacked her last name on for an introduction because it means something to so many people where she comes from and that has nothing to do with her. In this case, though, the name's context is something she very much wants to share. This man is dating her brother. He took care of him.

And if this man that Klaus is so crazy for doesn't care enough to know their last name, she will make sure he can't ever forget it.

[larger_world]

"Vanya," Obi-Wan echoes, relaxing into a warm, pleasant smile as he shakes her hand. The reason no one offered to help her as a child becomes clear in an instant, as Obi-Wan has heard stories from Klaus, as well as insinuations from all three of their other siblings when they had met. Their father wouldn't have helped her. He hadn't helped any of them.

From what he can gather, having met so many of them now, they all deserved better than what he offered them.

"I'm so glad to meet you," he says, meaning it utterly. Klaus has expressed more than once how important his siblings are to him and Obi-Wan knows their upbringing and their lives hadn't exactly been traditional, but then, by the standards of this place, neither had his. "I've been at the house once or twice, but we must have missed each other."

[fifthbeatle]

It's clear Obi-Wan has heard of her, and that is comforting before it is disquieting. Klaus has been a model brother since they met back up in Texas. It is through his support that she slept her first night in Darrow - which was also her first night as a knowingly powered individual. One who has ended the world - nearly twice. Of all of her siblings, Klaus and Five are the ones most likely to be painfully honest about that. He would have every right to fear her, or hate her.

Obi-Wan says that he's so glad to meet her and she believes him. Her smiles settles, like she means it more deeply.

"You, too. I've heard so much about you." Oh shit - is that the kind of thing a sister isn't supposed to say to a brother's boyfriend? She feels like thirteen-year-old Klaus would have been mortified, but she has to believe he feels differently about this one than he did in his Tiger Beat days.

"I-I don't know hot much Klaus told you..." There's a more complicated part of this now that she knows this powerful stranger is Obi-Wan. Vanya is so embarrassed to have met him in this way. She tried to get herself away from the world to do something that scares her, makes her feel bare and afraid and like a weapon because she wants to keep her siblings, to keep their world safe. And their world followed her in. What if she can never do the same? What if there is no safe for anyone until Vanya learns how to be who she is?

[larger_world]

"Some," Obi-Wan answers, knowing he does own all of Klaus's siblings the transparency of what he's learned about them just by virtue of Klaus's own stories. "He tends not to share the more intimate details of your lives when it might give away things you may not be comfortable with a near stranger knowing, but when you hear of someone's father and the way he's been treated, you can't help but glean other details."

Their father had been cruel to Klaus. Allison had suggested he had been the same with her. Obi-Wan can only assume, based on this information, he hadn't been a particularly warm or helpful man with any of his other children.

"He's given minimal information on all of you, though," he's quite tp assure Vanya. "I think he felt everything each of you are capable of, the details of how you've used those powers, those weren't his stories to tell. So while I know you are all talented in your own particular ways, that your father trained you all to be.... superheroes, I think Klaus said, that's truly the extent of it."

[fifthbeatle]

Her head tips down to look at the ground. It's more than she deserves that Klaus shows discretion on her behalf when Vanya's written a book about their lives. Things have changed so much that she sometimes forgets, but she shouldn't. The life they were given was unfair, but there are plenty of seeds sewn in the Hargreeves Family Garden that are Vanya's to reap.

"I wasn't trained," Vanya corrects gently, only able to raise her eyes for a second where she has to wink to keep the sun behind him from burning into her eyeballs. "Our dad wouldn't teach me. My powers are connected to my emotions; he wouldn't teach me how to use them." Somehow, she hopes that the rest of this story will be silent. Without saying, she wants him to just know the rest, even though there's no way he can. She'll tell him, but it's a lot and now that she knows this man is Obi-Wan, she feels like she shouldn't be making this about her.

[larger_world]

That surprises Obi-Wan, although maybe it shouldn't, given what he knows about their father. It makes him think of some of the Jedi teachings, the things they're told as younglings and Padawan, how to let go of their negative emotions, to make sure they're not controlled by those feelings. Eight months in Darrow, eight months of daily meditation, and he's still coming to terms with what that means for everything he's been told for the entirety of his life.

"Do you want to walk back into the city?" he asks, noticing the way she squints into the sun. "We could get some coffee. And I would be curious to know more, if you're willing to tell me."

He's under no illusions about himself in Darrow. While the Force still very much exists here and while he and Anakin, as well as Rey and Ben, are capable of manipulating it to their whims, there is no Jedi Order. No one for him to teach. He is, essentially, a Jedi in name only, without purpose, without a Padawan, without a station.

But if he can help even one person, he would very much like to do so.

[fifthbeatle]

Looking up to see a bit of something like surprise on Obi-Wan's face makes her feel a little better. It's not a contest, but I think most would agree Vanya had been treated the most unfairly. She wasn't the only one ostracized and/or locked below ground level, but she was suppressed and lied to. Broken down to nothing and released into the world like she didn't matter. Even when she studied herself into low-key national acclaim and the New York Philharmonic, nothing mattered. None of them did. Even if he could say different, Vanya doubts he would.

She considers Obi-Wan's question. Now that she thinks of it, she's exhausted. It's been several hours that she's been in this self-study and sometimes her powers take a lot out of her. She wants to sit and recalibrate, but the walk back to the city will take a little while. Now that she has calm, gentle, familiar-adjacent company, Vanya is suddenly aware that she doesn't want to be alone, either.

"Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you," she says, quiet and gentle. She doesn't want to tell him more, but she thinks maybe she has to. Already she feels like she's gone on about herself and it makes her feel self-conscious. Maybe if she learns a little bit more about Obi-Wan, she won't feel so much like he wants something from her.

"You said 'Earth expression' earlier," Vanya recalls as they start walking. "Where are you from?"

[larger_world]

"I was born on a planet called Stewjon," he tells her as they walk, stepping over logs and stones until they reach a clear path that leads them back toward the road that will lead into the city. "But when I was a toddler I was brought to a planet called Coruscant, which is where I grew up and spent most of my time until my early teens."

At that point, he had become Qui-Gon's Padawan and they had left Coruscant regularly on whatever mission they had been assigned to. They had moved from planet to planet, depending upon what their assignment was, especially that year they had spent protecting Satine, constantly on the run.

He smiles over at Vanya and says, "I expect you haven't heard of either of these planets. Klaus certainly hadn't. I hadn't heard of Earth before coming here."

And although he knows many people here believe they're on some version of Earth, Obi-Wan isn't sure if he agrees with that. He doesn't have any other theories, though, and so he mostly tends to just accept what other people believe, filing it away, and moving on.

[fifthbeatle]

While Obi-Wan can step over forest debris, Vanya has to walk around, but Obi-Wan goes slow enough that she keeps apace, stepping over what she can.

"Was that where you were trained? On Coruscant?" Vanya asks, adapting easily enough to the concept of interplanetary travel. Not a lot hits her ear strangely anymore. Her questions is lame, though, because it's just one in a series of questions about when and where his powers came about that she is dying to know. She doesn't want to be rude and she generally wants to learn everything because knowledge can only improve her context and self-awareness. And if Klaus is right about him - if the vibe he gives off is truthful - he might be exactly the right person to learn from.

[larger_world]

"It was, yes," Obi-Wan says. "As I mentioned, there are people in my galaxy who are born sensitive to the energy around them. We call it the Force and those who are trained to wield it are called the Jedi. The Jedi find these Force sensitive children and offer their parents the opportunity to have them trained on Coruscant."

He pauses, then says, "It's presented as a choice, but much like your adoptive father and your biological parents, I doubt it was a choice at all. The Jedi are legendary where I'm from and few would decline that offer, even if they wanted to keep their child with them."

Obi-Wan has no memory of his parents. He wonders about them at times, but it's been so long since he left Stewjon that he can't even remember what it looked like. How he lived.

[fifthbeatle]

Pieces of this sound familiar. Without knowing why, she thinks of Diego. Maybe she misses him. His is also the only other energy-manipulating power. If anything is possible within time and space (which it clearly is), the life he's describing could have been theirs.

Maybe Obi-Wan is right: maybe Reginald would have taken them by force if any of their parents had refused to part with them. She doubts it. There are only rumors about exactly how much Reginald Hargreeves paid for his army of superpowered children; each number is staggering. Vanya thinks that, to a young girl that didn't start the day pregnant or planning for a child, the price to sell wouldn't have to be staggering at all.

The Jedi find them snags her mind, too. How? How did Reginald find them? Vanya assumed he'd beat every newspaper around the world and gathered as many as he could. What would that search look like if there was a whole organization?

"I'm sorry," Vanya says of her silence after a few seconds of it. "There's so much I want to know. Then, when I try to ask, I can't think of anything." Maybe she's exhausted. Overwhelmed. Confused. Hopeful. Whatever she is, she is in entirely over her head.

[larger_world]

"There's time," Obi-Wan answers, looking over at Vanya with a gentle smile. "And you'll find I'm an open book in that regard. I would be happy to answer any questions you have whenever you have them."

But he's in no rush and he wants her to not to feel as if she has to be either. Perhaps he and Klaus will never be traditional in the way others are, but that doesn't mean he has any intention of ending what they have together. Obi-Wan doesn't make many plans, he knows better, tends to live in the moment as best he possibly can. And yet, despite that, he still imagines himself being happy to spend time with Klaus months or even years down the line.

"You said your father wouldn't teach you because your powers are connected to your emotions," he says as they walk. They're nearer the city now. "Did he never consider that focusing on your emotions first, in that case? Helping you understand them better and how to... not control them, but learn to accept them? Live with them and let yourself feel them and then let them go?"

[fifthbeatle]

That's a lovely answer; it makes Vanya smile a little. A patient man will be patient with Klaus - with her, if that needs to be the case. She doesn't know what's going to happen from here, but it does seem like there's an offer to help that is going to end up on the table, so to speak. It makes her want to run away and die, but that's her own lack of patience, implanted by the least patient man there ever was.

Obi-Wan arrives at the topic of her father and she laughs. It's a sharp exhale, maybe a cruel sound. She doesn't mean to be rude or dismissive. The way that she feels about her father, especially surrounding her powers is so much stronger than her ability to control herself. And she's done apologizing for him.

At least she has the good sense to cast an apologetic look up at Obi-Wan. She says, "if Klaus has told you anything about his powers you know the answer." Even though she's already told the story the the entire world, she knows now that parts of the story were never hers to tell. It turns out the story was fiction, anyway. So she'll tell her own. The real one.

"The power I was born with, I can convert sound resonance into energy. Our Dad tried to teach me to control it with a tuning fork, but I couldn't focus how he wanted. I was angry, I think. It's hard to remember because I was only four when he..." She swallows. Fuck. This is hard. Harder than she anticipated.

"He couldn't control me. He tried but, I kept fighting it. And I was hurting people." Vanya is more tortured about this than Reginald ever was. He let her kill and maim a whole score of women before he built her a nanny she couldn't destroy.

"So, he-he drugged me. And locked me in a sound-proof room. And..." She's crying now, still walking despite the fact the the entire bottom of her vision has been blurred to nothing. "And he made... our sister use her power so I'd forget." The wind has kicked up, now. It's whipping around them as the faint ringing in her ears pitches up. She has to stop walking now because she's trying to tune out the sound, the way birds and leaves are swirling a tune that she can only amplify. She went too far. She'd done too much. When she opens her eyes again, they're like they were when Obi-Wan first saw her.

"I didn't know." She says, her voice trembling slightly with effort. "I didn't know until it was too late." There doesn't seem to be a blast building, but she is still just in case, the terrified eye of a potential storm breaking herself trying not to cause destruction.

She shakes her head violently, petulently, like the child she never got to be. "You should go." That's not strong enough for how terrified she is, so she amends, "you need to run."

[larger_world]

Although Obi-Wan is listening to Vanya's words, he can sense the shift in energy even before she stops walking and he stops, too, watching as the wind swirls around them. The Force around them changes, seems to vibrate with whatever energy she's beginning to put out, and for a moment Obi-Wan can just stand there, utterly fascinated by it.

He realizes a moment too late that Vanya expects that he'll be frightened. Her eyes open, white once more, and a particularly strong blast of wind whips around them both. Neither of them rock with it, the wind not quite touching them and he feels the sensation she has of being the eye of the storm, then he feels how terrified she is, the fear that infuses every moment of what's happening around them.

"Vanya," he says, his voice gentle. He lifts one hand and lays it gently upon her shoulder, using the Force to extend his calm toward her, like a warm blanket being placed gently upon her shoulders. Unless she becomes a true danger, he feels no need to use the Force on her to implant a suggestion, especially not with what she's just told him, and so for now he simply shares his calm with her. "You're safe. You're safe here."

[fifthbeatle]

The worst part is that she's not angry anymore. She doesn't understand that when she cries she's being washed away but a dozen feelings that she has no capacity to identify. When she feels something, anything enough to kick up her heartbeat, a sheaf of shame scatters out of her. Sometimes this feeling carries with it a weight and a sound. That's where she gets stuck: in the drone of a tune that is older than ordinary Vanya. Beyond the grave, two apocalypses away, in a different universe, Reginald Hargreeves is still talking to her and she is still listening.

Obi-Wan looks... stunned. But not in a bad way. Impressed, but maybe not in a good way. Curious. Like he's seen something new. She flinches involuntarily as his hand falls on her shoulder. She's spinning chaos around them, face wet with tears and her heart thumping loud in her ears, but she's still. Watchful.

Vanya. The voice is cool and quiet, but it makes her feel warm. It seems to dull the sharpness of the sound vibrating within her. The air around them is stilling. She's feeling too much to identify, but the panic eases. As she looks up at Obi-Wan, she is reminded of Allison, who wouldn't let her siblings kill her even as she tried with every powered breath to kill them. She'd broken Vanya's powers with a gunshot that pierced through her focus. Imagine what would have been possible if their dad had known the value of peace, if he was capable of serenity.

Her breathing is slowing. She's exhausted, but he's right: they're safe. Suddenly, she can't look at him. What if she'd hurt them? She'd never be able to live with herself after killing this gentle, kind soul. Klaus wouldn't care about her anymore. Right now she sort of wishes no one did. It would be better. For all of them.

Big, hazel eyes drop to the floor and with them, a couple new tears streak down her face. She apologizes so softly that she's not sure any sound actually comes out.

[larger_world]

It brings to mind moments he's had with Anakin. When he was still just a boy, still clinging to the idea of his mother, of saving her, there had been so much anger in him and although they had trained together, learned together, and Anakin had gotten better at letting it go, he'd gotten better at hiding it, too.

That isn't what Obi-Wan had wanted for him. It isn't what he wants for him now. Darrow has given him a second chance with Anakin and perhaps it's giving Vanya a second chance, too. He knows she isn't a Jedi, she isn't sensitive to the Force as he knows it, but there is another power that exists in her and it seems to be one that she needs to learn about, just as the Jedi learn about what they're capable of.

Obi-Wan isn't looking to start another Jedi Order. He's only looking to help.

"You needn't apologize," he says, his voice still low and warm, his hand still upon her shoulder. He smiles very faintly. "You'll find I'm not so easily frightened away."

[fifthbeatle]

"That's not what I'm afraid of," Vanya protests, wiping at her eyes. She adds quickly, "I didn't mean-- thank you. I'm so grateful." The last thing she would want is for Obi-Wan to think that she meant to harm him. She doesn't know what would have happened if he hadn't been here. All of it is dawning on her now. She was stupid to think she could spend a couple hours in the woods and learn how to control something sitting powerfully dormant for 25 years. These powers within her are terrifying. That's what it is: even Reginald was terrified. With them she blew up her home. She murdered family. She ended the world. Twice.

When Vanya can finally look up at Obi-Wan, she lets herself see him as he's proved himself to be: patient, gentle, kind and fearless. Safe, maybe. It will take time to get to that.

"Can... uh, would you help me?" Vanya asks. She regrets it the second it is out of her mouth, the way impending rejection makes her feel like an animal skittering back into a cage for the illusion of safety. "If you- I-I don't know if that would be weird or- or if you can or... w-what I'm asking, I guess." She trails off there because she is not winning at backtracking and she's so, so tired.

"I need help. And I... don't know where to get it." The words fall out that way. She's stunned. There's more, just one more thing that she feels like she needs to say, not to convince him, but because she truly does feel she owes him an explanation. For both of them. There's one reason this is all happening, and unfortunately, it's the reason her late father did what he did at all.

"I don't want to hurt anyone."

[larger_world]

It's not a question Obi-Wan needs to consider for long at all. The Jedi are lifelong teachers, as well as lifelong pupils and he thinks there is much he can learn from Vanya, as well as much he can teach her. That she's receptive, that she wants to learn, it speaks well to her intentions, although Obi-Wan knows there is a large gulf between desire and action.

The power within Vanya is not the same as the power Obi-Wan has access to. The Force is something else, but at the end, it's all energy, and he can't condemn someone to suffering just because their abilities are different.

"I know you don't," Obi-Wan answers. He can sense that in her, even if she hadn't told him to run, even if he hadn't seen it in her eyes just now. He gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze before dropping his hand and then he nods. "I'll help however I can. There are many Jedi teachings that deal with emotion; learning how to accept what we feel and let it go rather than fight against it or let it overwhelm us is at the core of everything we do. These strong emotions, they're not bad things. It's only when we let them control us things can get beyond us."

He smiles again, just slightly, then says, "Which is a long winded way of saying, yes. I'll try to help."

[fifthbeatle]

Once again, Vanya finds herself grateful for his mercy. Obi-Wan doesn't leave her words hanging in the air for long. He never looks away with those kind eyes, his gentle features never harden or crease. It makes her want to cry again immediately when that reassuring squeeze of her shoulder reinforces all that he's said: he doesn't scare easily, he believes that she isn't beyond help. He wants to help her. The urge to launch herself against him and squeeze her undeserving arms around him is a powerful force that all but rings in her ears. She resists. This man has seen more of her in half an hour than anyone but her family (and "Leonard") has seen in her whole life. It's more than too much. She's never been so thankful to feel as drained as she does.

"Thank you," she says again. She's thinking about Klaus, now and how she hopes she gets to be the one to tell him about this encounter. The idea of him coming home and hating her and everything falling back the way it was is too crippling for her. It feels cruel to harp on this when she should just be grateful for Obi-Wan and his strength and generosity and power. Again, she's too exhausted to unpack it.

"Hell of a way to meet your brother's man-friend," she murmurs, mouth twitching against an appreciative, exhausted smile as she tucks a side of her hair behind her ear. She wipes at her eyes one final time, eyes all the way up to his face where she hopes to find that Obi-Wan can appreciate this attempt to break the tension.

[larger_world]

"Man-friend," Obi-Wan echoes with a warm laugh. "Yes, alright, I can accept that title."

He and Klaus have never had a conversation attempting to specifically define what they mean to one another and Obi-Wan is comfortable with that, at least for the time being. There are no illusions that exist between them and he's well aware whatever form their relationship takes, it's not the same as one might have been had he left the Jedi order for Satine. Obi-Wan knows, however many other people may or may not catch his eye -- and admittedly, there are very few -- his heart has already been spoken for in a way it hasn't in a very long time.

There is no comparison between Klaus and Satine but for how they've made him feel.

"Does it help at all to know most of the people I've met before Darrow were usually trying to kill me?" he asks, his smile growing at he looks over at Vanya, then begins to walk toward the city proper once more.

[fifthbeatle]

Obi-Wan is desperately attractive and his laugh is a warming thing. Vanya is exhausted and raw and embarrassed by all that has transpired up to this point, but when she imagines the way Klaus must smile at him and the way he probably smiles back, those other things seem further away. Maybe a fear of not detecting dishonesty will always niggle at the back of her mind, but she is proof that resilience can creep in undetected, too. There was a part of her than wanted to die when she couldn't deny that "Leonard" wasn't who he said he was, but instead.

No. She shuts this out. Slowly, she is beginning to understand that this is no way to conduct herself in the long-term, but she's had enough exploding guilt for one day, thanks.

"Um... no?" Vanya answers, but she is smiling, too. Maybe it does help a little. "Why? Who was trying to kill you?"

They're walking again and the closer the city gets, the more she feels like she can shake off what's happened this morning. She's going to have to answer to her family, but having met Obi-Wan, having talked about the things they talked about and knowing that he is going to help her makes all of that a little less nerve-wracking.

[larger_world]

"I told you that where I'm from there are people who are sensitive to the energy around us," he says. "We call this energy the Force and those of us who are trained to properly wield it are called Jedi. The Jedi, about ten thousand of us in all, were tasked with being peacekeepers for our galaxy, but in the three years before I arrived here, the galaxy was in the midst of a war."

He pauses, considering how best to tell this story, then says, "We had a Galactic Senate. Any planet that wished to be part of the government, the decisions, they were welcome to have a representative in the Senate. It was democratic and while it was far from perfect, it was fair. Someone was working to undermine the entire system. To overthrow it. At first they were called the Separatists, but in the end, there was a single man at the root of it all. He wanted to make himself Emperor."

This is a story a few people in Darrow know, coming from the same galaxy, but it's not a story he's told in such broad terms. Klaus knows he was a general, he knows many of Obi-Wan's stories, but he's not sure he's ever explained the entirety of the war. It's much more broad and much less personal, but it explains a great deal.

"They had an army of what we called battle droids. Not particularly intelligent opponents, but easy to build," he says. "I spent three years as a general in the Grand Army for the Galactic Republic. There was always someone trying to kill me and my men."

[fifthbeatle]

Vanya listens to the story with the attention it deserves. It's a classic tale in a lot of ways, Campbellian with the intrigue of war over the concept of justice and freedom. Those are the stories their dad made them read (all in their original languages), but Vanya didn't seek them out herself. It's also like so much of history, which is more Vanya's speed.

"What did being a peacekeeper mean before the war?" Vanya asks. Sometimes she herself felt like something of a peacekeeper climbing uphill in a growing war as a child. In this case, though, war means violence and that means their mission of keeping the peace failed. A whole legion of powered peacekeepers failed their mission because one man wanted to control it all.

"The man - The Emperor - he must have been very powerful." There is no reverence in her voice. It actually makes her vaguely sick, as a person who once found great power and misused it.

[larger_world]

"He turned out to be what we call a Sith," he answers with a nod. "One who has a connection to the Force, but has turned to the dark side of it for power. One who has been corrupted. And he was a master of manipulation."

Obi-Wan can't dwell for too long on Palpatine. The man's betrayal, the ways in which he had used Anakin, abused his trust, they're things that still anger Obi-Wan, things he has yet to reconcile during his meditation. Now is not the time to focus on it, not when he's still working through it himself.

Instead he smiles a little and says, "Before the war, it meant any number of things. We once went to a planet called Pijal, where a terrorist organization on the moon was apparently threatening the Crown Princess, though as it turned out, an arms manufacturer was framing the group on the moon. We were tasked with protecting Princess Fanry and unraveling what was happening there. Another time my Master and I were went to the planet Mandalore, while they were on the brink of a civil war. In that case we went on the run with their Duchess for an entire year, making sure the opposition to her rule couldn't reach her."

[fifthbeatle]

The first part smacks Vanya in the stomach. It sounds like the powers of the universe as Obi-Wan knows it - the Force, apparently - exists in binary opposition. It's not the first time she's thought about the moral/ethical question of having powers of unknown origin. She thinks about this quite a bit.

"You should write a book," Vanya says, good-humored enough despite the way she's just dissed herself a bit. A book by Obi-Wan about his incredible life was a much nobler profession than Vanya's tell-all about her siblings through a lens that, it turns out, was complete bullshit.

"That sounds like incredible work. It must have been a difficult transition: going from peacemaker to General."

[larger_world]

"Oh, I doubt anyone would want to read that book," Obi-Wan answers with a smile. He loves to read, is voracious in his appetite for words, especially since coming to Darrow and finding any entirely new world worth of literature and history and science opening up before him, but he very much doubts he would have any sort of writing ability.

Besides which, he's not sure how many people here can read Galactic Basic.

"It was a difficult shift," he agrees. "Though I'm trained in all kinds of combat, I much prefer to avoid violence wherever possible. I would rather try to work things out with words and negotiations, but in the midst of a war, there is truly little time for discussion."

[fifthbeatle]

Vanya is certain that tons of people would read that book. It wouldn't have to be true. The fact that it is would sell more copies. With some effort, she blinks these little thoughts away. All she wants is to learn to live with the swirling newness in her head and not despite it, but the more she ruminates, the more she realizes she's in no shape to try and make more progress today.

Plus, she cares about what Obi-Wan thinks. She would even if he wasn't Klaus' man-friend. It's not even noon and she would prefer to engage in some more pleasant conversation. Yet, there's still a lot he needs to know if he's going to try to help, whatever that entails. He needs to know about "Leonard," mostly. If they're taking on a volatile task together, he needs to know everything he's up againt, doesn't he?

She sighs because she's doing it again.

"I'm so sorry," she says after a moment, shaking her head at herself. "I'm... this is all a lot." She's talking about everything, truly: their meeting, her morning, his life and Darrow. "My brain is..." She can't even think of a word, and that makes her laugh a bit. "Empty. Maybe this is what a battle droid feels like." She looks all the way up at him, smiling just a bit.

[larger_world]

"Hm, I should think not," he answers. "They're not likely to make jokes or smile."

As they walk, he tucks his hands into either sleeve of his robe and shakes his head. "You really needn't apologize. Sometimes things are overwhelming, difficult to comprehend without time to sit with what you're experiencing and consider. That very thing is a big part of why I believe meditation is so important for Jedi. And for anyone, truly, who is looking for a bit of self-reflection and understanding."

There's a lot to be said, he believes, for learning how to control your strong emotions instead of letting them control you.

[fifthbeatle]

"Good to know," Vanya says, satisfied enough by the little bit of comfort that comes with knowing she is smarter than a fighting robot. It's not much, but it's been a long morning and she's taking comfort where she can get it.

When Obi-Wan talks, Vanya listens. She's always been an absorber of things, learning from context all of the things her father and siblings wouldn't show her. Once outside the Academy, her quest for knowledge was as dogged as it had been on the inside, but the world was wide and open and Vanya was kept narrowed by drugs and the fear of rejection. Now, here, walking with a person who may be in the unique position to help guide her toward a life worth living, she takes in every world like it's life or death. It is.

"I want to learn," she promises. It's all she ever wanted: to pursue and try. Not many - from her childhood through her education and beyond - have given her the chance to prove she's deserving of their time and wisdom. The weight her name carried and that she carried with it none of the expected gravitas because she was terrified of failure frayed their patience quickly. That's when Vanya retreats. No matter what happens, she's not going to do that. The fate of everything depends on it.

"Is there - um - anything you can teach me now? To get started? I don't mean to take up more of your time; if you're busy, I understand."

[larger_world]

In Darrow, Obi-Wan is rarely truly busy. He finds things to fill his time and he especially likes the library when he isn't with Klaus or Anakin, but beyond daily meditation, something that has been with him for as long as he can remember, he has no real routine to speak of.

Every so often he considers that he may have to get a job of sorts. Not for the financial gain, of which he has little interest, but simply for the structure of it and the feeling of contributing to a functioning society. For a man who has existed his entire life within the service of keeping the peace for an entire galaxy, to be without a purpose is especially difficult.

So at Vanya's suggestion that she might be keeping him from something, he shakes his head and smiles. "You'll find I'm never particularly busy," he admits. "I suppose first I ought to ask if you've ever tried meditation at all. I know from Klaus it's something that's known well enough in your world, but not something everyone has tried."

[fifthbeatle]

"Not really," Vanya says, focusing like she's trying to search her memory even though she knows the answer is no. She wouldn't have even known where to begin. Part of meditation is learning to observe thoughts and feelings without judging them. Until recently, she didn't really have feelings and all of her thoughts were pointy and full of doubt. For drugged, suppressed Vanya, meditation might have been a recipe for disaster. She was never supposed to look inward too hard.

"I know it's not about clearing your mind as much as... accepting it." That doesn't sound quite right, but since she's clearly out of her depth and she's already asked for his help, she's less interested in impressing him than she might be were this another teacher or friend or sibling's manfriend. Save for causing the actual apocalypse, Obi-Wan has seen her near her worst.

She knows that's not true. Today, Vanya wasn't angry, she was scared. Angry is what makes her powers the most dangerous. She can't imagine being angry here, but she couldn't have imagined she was a nuclear reactor either.

[larger_world]

"It is," Obi-Wan agrees. "And it's about awareness. A lack of judgement when it comes to your own inner thought process. The way we're first taught as younglings is that we find a comfortable place to sit, in a position that's both stable and something we can maintain from between five and ten minutes."

There are times when he can't believe just how short his first meditation sessions were. He understands why it's preferable, that people will never be able to learn if they're expected to sit still with their own mind for an hour or two immediately, but these days Obi-Wan rarely meditates for under an hour.

"Then," he says. "We close our eyes, find a comfortable position for our hands, and we breathe. Pay attention to the inhale, the exhale, focus on that, be aware of that. And every time we notice our mind has wandered, without judgement, we return our focus to our breath."

[fifthbeatle]

God, she wishes she had a notebook. Her memory - however undone by medication to later be restitched by government-grade LSD - is pretty good and she always remembers the important things, like deadlines and birthdays and orchestrations. She's not so great at remembering to care for herself. That has to change now. She can't afford to wait.

So, she repeats it back, "get comfortable, close my eyes, breathe and withhold judgement." Most of that is good advice for right now, too so she takes a breath and lets the exhale slip out some of the shit she knows she's holding in her shoulders.

"So, it's okay to starts small," Vanya recaps now that she's chewing on all the pieces. "A-and if I can't... stop my brain from thinking, that's okay. I just have to-to... What? Not feel it?" The question feels unforgivably stupid but, in the spirit of learning and trusting, she tries to tease a new perspective out. "Or... assign it no... value?" She breathes a laugh. "God, am I hopeless if I can't imagine what it would be like to not judge a thought?" While playful, this is still a move of self-deprecation, however well-intended.

She just wants to get it right. Not for Klaus or for Obi-Wan or Allison or anyone but her.

[larger_world]

"It takes practice," Obi-Wan answers. "And your mind will wander. The part you shouldn't judge is the wandering itself, not the thoughts. Don't chastise yourself for not being able to focus better, don't tell yourself it's impossible or that you can't do it. Your mind is endless, there's no sense trying to stop it from being exactly what it is, but when your thoughts drift away from your breath, gently bring your focus back and keep going."

He smiles then and says, "We can't not feel our emotions. They exist, they're part of what make us who we are. Emotions give us our compassion, our ability to love, to be kind and thoughtful. The goal isn't to not feel them, but to stop letting them control us. The Jedi are warned that anger is a path to the dark side, but what is really meant is that anger that controls us, anger that makes our decisions for us, that can lead us to the dark side."